Angela's Journal, 10-21 [Private Entry]

[chasingangela]

Everyone wants me and Marty to get back together, except me and Marty.

I mean, I don't think that's what I want. I don't know. And god knows, I have no idea what he wants, other than, apparently, to get his ass kicked. By Faith.

(Hated seeing him covered in bruises. Hated seeing how hurt he is. Hated knowing that I'm just as hurt. Hated not being able to do anything about it, because -- hurt as I am -- I don't think getting back together right away would solve *anything.* It just delays the next explosion. Hari-Kari by relationship.)

I miss him -- the good parts of him -- more than anything. It's like someone took a big ragged bite out of my soul.

I am so lost. I mean, I am angry at him. I am. I just ... would really like for this part to be over, you know? It's so hard to let him go, but i need to.

I almost wish I could just let Rory or Parker or Shane or Geoff or whoever to just make the choice *for* us. Just wave a magic wand and hooray, I never did or said anything to wreck our relationship. And neither did he.

Free will is good, right?

I think Anakin was the only person I talked to about it who didn't tell me to get back together with him. Thank god for the Emo Deep Thoughts Club.

Haven't been thinking about A. lately. Mostly just staying out of his way and hoping he reciprocates. Also, cooked dinner for Geoff last night. He's a good friend, and is hurting just as much over Paige as I am over M.

Still need to buy Rory's birthday present. I wonder whether M. will be at the party?